How PHlight Club Changed Jordan’s Life

Thriving Through Adversity

A bright and articulate high school junior, Jordan has lived most of her life in Thorne Bay, Alaska, surrounded by a large, close-knit family. Her dad, stepmother, grandparents, siblings, cousins, and friends all provide Jordan with different kinds of supports. As a nurturer herself, Jordan reciprocates. Even so, connecting with adults and peers has not always come naturally for her.

When Jordan was 12 years old, her mother tragically passed away. This devastated Jordan and left her feeling lost. Jordan explains, “I felt alone and couldn’t deal with the loss of my mom. I was an introvert and didn’t know how to reach out and ask for the support I needed.”

Shortly after her mother’s death, Jordan attended her first PHlight Club as a 7th-grader. “Before PHlight Club,” Jordan reflects, “I didn’t realize that I needed a Web of Support.” During PHlight Club, she says, “I learned that I have the power to reach out and choose the adults (Anchors) I want in my Web and that more Anchors means a stronger Web. It was a completely new concept for me. Building a strong Web of Support really helped me deal with the loss of my mom.”

Over the next four years, Jordan attended many more PHlight Clubs. “I’ve lost count, but I have been to at least eight PHlight Clubs. I’ve gained confidence in myself and realized my value. I’ve learned that I can set boundaries with adults and friends in my life and also be open and honest about my needs. I can be strong, yet let people know if I feel uncomfortable without being rude.”

“Watching Jordan thrive after the tragic loss of her mom has been amazing,” says Amy McDonald, Jordan’s school counselor and Brightways facilitator. “She has grown into a strong, confident young woman. She has taken what she learned at PHlght Clubs and applied it to her real life. Jordan has an amazing Web of Support created cooperatively between her and her Anchors!”

PHlight Club has also helped Jordan discover her unique talents and gifts. “PHlight Club has helped me realize that I have compassion and empathy and that I’m a great listener.” She has come to recognize that, “I am open with people, which makes others feel comfortable and safe opening up to me. Because I’ve been through a lot, they know I can relate, and they trust me with their feelings.”

Today, Jordan is a student leader at PHlight Club. She connects with other teens and helps them understand why and how to build their own Webs of Support. Additionally, she has participated in educator workshops for the past three years. “I love supporting kids at PHlight Club, and I also love sharing my story with adults. I know I’m making a difference in their lives.”

Jordan is excited about what the future holds for her. “Because of my ability to connect with people, I have decided that I want to have a career as a therapist. After graduation, I plan to attend college in Fairbanks to earn my degree. In the meantime, I will continue helping other kids and adults learn how to build Webs of Support. It has made a huge difference in my life, and I want to share it with as many people as possible!”

Learn more about PHlight Club at brightwayslearning.org/phlight-club.

Jakob’s Story

Largely born and raised in Southeast Alaska, when Jakob was in 8th grade, he remembers, “I would mostly rely on the support of my friends to help me in and outside of school.” Even so, he admits, “they really weren’t very good influences.” Around that time, Jakob attended his first PHlight Club, Brightways Learning’s student-centered, multi-day event focusing on learning about Full-Color Webs of Support™.

“The first couple of PHlight Clubs I went to, I wasn’t too into what they were about. I was just having fun with my friends,” Jakob recalls. His third time at PHlight Club, then a freshman, he started thinking more seriously about what he was being taught. “I was learning about the importance of caring and connected adults (“Anchors”) in my life. It made sense, and I wanted to try building a Web of Support with adults.”

At the time, he says the only Anchor in his life was his dad. “I got a lot more Anchors through PHlight Club, though – including adults I would never have met outside of my school.” These included Brightways Learning PHlight Club facilitators Derek Peterson, who lives in North Dakota, and Kerrie Carl, a teacher in a neighboring school district. Jakob considers both of them important Anchors in his life now.

“I think everyone in the world needs to know about the Web of Support, because of the impact it’s had on my own life and other people’s lives.”

PHlight Club also helped him get more comfortable talking with some adults he already knew, but with whom he became more connected. “Building relationships is a mutual process,” Jakob understands, “and I really like the adults in my life. I’ve always believed that you should treat others like you want to be treated. That came mostly from my dad. He taught me a lot about respect.” Building these relationships with adults has been vital for helping Jakob develop resilience and talk through some tough times.

Jakob says PHlight Club “taught me how to look for support and understand how to get support from Anchors when I needed it. You can’t do everything on your own.” It also helped him realize that he gets to choose his Anchors. “It was a bit of a relief – you can choose the Anchors you want to have in your life.”

Now a senior, Jakob has attended six PHlight Clubs and has done a lot more learning and growing outside of those events. For example, in October, he traveled to Anchorage with one of his teachers to attend a Brightways Learning two-day hybrid workshop with mostly adults and a couple of other teenagers.

“PHlight Club taught me how to look for support and understand how to get support from Anchors when I needed it. You can’t do everything on your own.”

The opportunity allowed him to strengthen his connections with Derek and his teacher, along with meeting new adults. “It felt weird in Anchorage because I was the one teaching adults about the Web of Support,” he recalls. “But it was cool to see them understanding it. I think everyone in the world needs to know about the Web of Support, because of the impact it’s had on my own life and other people’s lives.”

When asked, why having a thick Web of Support is important, Jakob explained, “No one’s life is perfect. You have down moments. And when you have down moments, you need support. The more Anchors you have, the more support you have. The more support you have, the quicker and easier it is for you to get out of those down moments.”

Jakob is president of his school council this year he says because “I really care about my school.” He has also enjoyed teaching younger students – whether he’s helping with basketball skills after school, an elementary music class, or by talking about the Web of Support.

“I want to help plan and possibly co-facilitate PHlight Clubs in the future,” Jakob mentions. “If I had never gone to PHlight Club, I wouldn’t have known how to get Anchors, and I wouldn’t have understood as clearly about how to build relationships. That’s important to me.”

Watch a video of Jakob and other students participating in PHlight Club.

Learn more about PHlight Club at brightwayslearning.org/phlight-club.

The Rule of Five

By Rachael Okonek

Rachael Okonek

 Hi, my name is Rachael Okonek and I’m a senior in high school in Ninilchik, Alaska.

I was a shy seventh grader when I attended my first PHlight Club in the spring of 2016. Little did I know that a three-day event would have the power to positively change my life!

During PHlight Club, we learned the importance of building webs of support. We discussed the various factors – tangible/intangible supports, social norms, disconnections from caring adults, caring-for-carers – that make up the web. Of all the factors, the one that has had the most impact on my life is the Rule of Five.

The Rule of Five challenges students to identify at least five caring adults, or Anchors, in their lives who provide connection, support, and guidance. Anchors have high expectations, teach skills, and celebrate strengths.

Because of my shyness, I couldn’t immediately identify any adults in my life that I felt comfortable opening up to. I clammed up at the mere thought that I would have to share personal details with someone. To my relief, Derek Peterson, the PHlight Club leader, explained that “it is never too late to add Anchors; the first step is to simply ask. Anchors don’t have to be people you see every day. You could only see them once a year, as long as you know they care.”

I realized at that moment that I did know an adult who has been in my corner all along: Jane Beck, who at that time was an academic coach at Ninilchik and attended that PHlight Club. I have known Jane since elementary school, and she has always been supportive of me and my education. Deep down, I have always known that Jane was someone I wanted to keep in my life for years to come. 

Towards the end of the PHlight Club, I finally gained the courage to ask Jane to be my Anchor and a new door opened for me when she agreed. To this day we have grown closer than ever as she has helped me through the many highs and lows of high school. I still cherish the connection I have made with Jane. Without her, I might have been swept away in the waves of peer pressure, never to find myself. Through her support and dedication to my success, I have gained confidence in my own decision making. I have learned that each step out of my comfort zone brings me closer to finding my true identity. Knowing that I am capable of achieving my goals in life has motivated me to pursue new things such as Student Council, Project Grad, representing Ninilchik at a HOBY leadership conference, and ultimately devoting myself to giving back to others. 

Even now, five years after my first PHlight Club, I use the Rule of Five. I am confident that my next chapter following graduation will lead me to the life I have always dreamed of. I will challenge myself to add even more Anchors as I begin new stages in my life.

Navigating the Pandemic with Brightways

I am a teacher in a small, remote, Alaska Native village. Yesterday I posted a meme that said, “don’t let this year convince you that you aren’t a good teacher.” That statement really hit home for me.

Last spring when the pandemic first hit, many schools closed, and teachers had to quickly figure out how to teach remotely while still connecting with students we were missing so much. This was uncharted territory that we had to navigate quickly. Although I’ve been teaching for more than 20 years, I felt like a first-year teacher again.

 As students and their families struggle with stress and trauma caused by the pandemic, my fellow teachers and I are under enormous pressure to support the children that we care so deeply about.

“Brightways workshops and events taught me about the power of Webs of Support, not only for youth but for myself. They equipped me with tools I can apply to mitigate trauma for myself, my students, and their families.”

As with everyone who has been dealing with the anxiety and isolation of the pandemic this year, my own life continued to happen. Late in 2019, I lost my brother-in-law to a sudden heart attack. Shortly before his funeral, my mother-in-law had a stroke. In March, my dad also died from a sudden heart attack. Then there was the death of a close family friend.  I have had stress-related health issues in the past, and I felt myself going back down the road of being unwell. I had to reel some things in.

Fortunately, I had learned resilience skills and self-care strategies from Brightways Learning that helped me personally and gave me the capacity to support my students. Brightways workshops and events taught me about the power of Webs of Support, not only for youth but for myself. They equipped me with tools I can apply to mitigate trauma for myself, my students, and their families. Learning about how to build and nurture my own Web of Support helped me to know that there are people I can lean on and count on to support me through tough times. Knowing that I wasn’t able to “give what I didn’t have myself” helped me refocus my efforts back to what was best and most important for me. Brightways helped me remember the importance of self-care and that connection matters.

Brightways has been a huge help for me personally and professionally. I’ve been able to show my students how grow their Webs of Support so they can also handle the stress and isolation caused by COVID while maintaining their capacity to learn. Feeling valued as a part of a team helps feed my soul and retain my love of teaching.

At some point, the pandemic will end and we all will find a way to sort it out and return to the lifestyles that we used to have. One thing that I trust will not change is the support of Brightways with their primary focus on resilience and connections between people.  

—Kerrie Carl is a teacher at Klawock School in Alaska. She also leads PHlight Clubs and educator workshops for Brightways Learning.

Kerrie leading a pre-COVID PHlight Club event.

Tips to Keep Your Sanity (and Boost Effective Teaching)!

By Amy McDonald

It was a grey and gloomy February day in Thorne Bay, Alaska. I was sitting alone at my classroom desk, while the kids were at recess. I finally had a few minutes to think!  My 24 students spanned grades 3 to 6 with a mix of needs, some intensive. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, scared, and wondering why on earth I ever wanted to be a teacher.

Many of us, especially teaching in rural schools, have experienced this kind of classroom. It feels like everything you once thought you knew has flown out the window. You work long days - including weekends - yet you still feel behind. Adding to the challenge, your administrator doesn’t seem to understand your classroom’s learning span or appreciate your teaching style. Homelife regularly falls into second-place priority.

On top of that are “other duties as assigned”: assessments, recess duty, parent meetings, IEP meetings, curriculum committees, professional development, the holiday program... The list is endless.

A dear friend teaching in the same school told me I needed to find a way to deal with the stress. She noticed that my spark had burnt out and helped me develop some stress-busting strategies. It wasn’t easy, but with her support, my love for teaching was reignited and I was able to get through the year and actually enjoy it!

Here are some things I learned that year that may help refresh your own well-being:

●     Routine: My students and I craved routine. Together we devised a system to start every day, including some direct instruction, independent student work time, and student-led activities. This routine supported a calm start to our day and set the tone for the rest of the day.

●     Morning Meetings: Routine meetings included a collaborative, agreed-upon mechanism for solving problems, answering questions, and making plans for class. This reduced the number of times I heard, “Ms. Amy…” in a day and gave students more opportunities to be involved in classroom management.

●    Teacher Self-care: Build a life from which you don’t seek to escape. My biggest hurdle was allowing myself to prioritize my own needs. Nobody else gives us that permission. Try these:

• Set a time to go home every day. Some nights I was still at school at 7:00 p.m., missing out on valuable family time and still never getting everything accomplished. Tell yourself “that’s enough for today,” and go home.

• Practice mindfulness. Buzzing at 100 miles an hour, it’s easy to forget to enjoy each moment. Be okay with where things are, replace negative thoughts with positive ones, and be aware of how you are reacting to the world around you. Remember to breathe!

●     Music: Use music as a facilitation tool. My students responded very positively to lyric-free music. When I was not giving direct instruction, music played a big part in the calming feeling of our classroom.

●     Relationship-building: Intentionally create opportunities to develop relationships with your students. We seldom did anything fun, because we were always trying to complete everything in class. So, we started to include fun activities in our schedule, such as games during PE class, field trips to study science topics, etc. We also worked together to rearrange our classroom - from furniture placement to wall hangings to supply area accessibility. The classroom became more comfortable and efficient for all. These activities strengthened our connections to each other by having more fun and collaboratively making decisions.

●     Gratitude: Every morning, the students and I would verbally express some sort of gratitude that we were feeling. This took a while to develop, but eventually it spread throughout our day and statements of gratitude became a normal occurrence.

●     Follow Your Gut: I would often second-guess myself, because I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t think I could be right. Permit yourself to follow your instincts when it comes to students and teaching. You’ll be able to move forward and improve your teaching practice. You will also be able to accept when things go wrong. Be humble; there are times we make mistakes. We learn from them.

●     Collaborate: If you do everything by yourself, you’ll only ever be as big as yourself. Reach out to others for support. One of the most significant supports I learned that year was to invite experts into my classroom. There was no way I could be an expert in every subject. Experts enabled me to learn from them along with my students and allowed me to better reinforce that knowledge.

●     Find Your Crew: There are times when we just need to vent frustration. We need people who take it for just that, venting. We also need people who will put us back on track. My mom is that person for me. She is a remarkable listener and willing to tell me to “buck up” or “wow, Amy, that’s a lot, what can we do about it?”

●     Take a Walk: The brain reset you get from taking a short walk is incredible. Our Alaska weather is often not conducive to walking outside, so the gym is a great alternative. Ten minutes at lunch made a big difference in my afternoon mindset.

●     Avoid Gossip; Ask Questions: Especially in small schools and communities, relatively little is unknown about each other. Changing how I listened and responded to questions without offering answers was a game-changer. Learning to go to the source, ask good questions, clearly state my thoughts, and stay out of situations I didn’t need to be in made it easier to focus on the positive.

By the time spring arrived and greenery and sunshine began to appear, my classroom was a much more enjoyable place and I was a more enjoyable person to be around. Thanks to the support of my teacher friend, I was then able to support other new teachers as they came into our profession. By lowering stress and improving well-being, satisfaction and retention across our noble profession as educators will rise!

Amy has more than two decades of experience in K-12 education, including English Language Learning, classroom teaching, Lead Teacher, and School Counselor. She currently works as a Counselor and performs “other duties as needed” at Southeast Island School District in Alaska. She has a Bachelor’s in Linguistics, a K-8 Type B Teaching Certification, and a Master’s in K-12 School Counseling. She also leads workshops and events for Brightways Learning, a nonprofit education organization, to build resilience in both youth and educators.

How To Deal With Your Teen’s Low Self-Esteem

By Angela Matthews
Guest contributor

Mental health struggles continue to be a top public health concern. Struggles with self-esteem can even metastasize into more serious issues like depression. According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 12.8% of teens aged 12 to 17 experience a major depressive episode over the course of a year. A number of factors contribute to these conditions in teens, and these factors do not discriminate against gender, race, or socioeconomic classes. Poor self-esteem can stem from a number of sources, from fierce competition in classes to adjusting to new environments, bullying, college pressure, and now, social media. A study by the Population Assessment of Tobacco and Health has even found that adolescents who spend over three hours a day on social media were more likely to internalize their problems. These include depression, anxiety, loneliness, aggression, and antisocial behavior.

It’s a vicious domino effect. When these feelings prove to be far too overwhelming, teens may instead turn to vices like drugs and alcohol to compensate for their lack of self-esteem. In the worst cases, anxiety and depression can lead to self-harm. Intervention from trusted adults then becomes necessary to ensure that teens still see a glimmer of hope ahead of them. Maryville University outlines the newly recognized connections between mental health and learning success, which is why parents, guardians, and educators need to step in and perhaps form a crisis intervention team when they see how the repercussions of self-esteem are detrimental to a teen’s future. There is a lot that these adults can do to reverse negative and toxic behaviors if they take the time to truly learn how their teens feel.

Provide kids with a web of support

Previously in 'New School Year and New Beginnings - 7 Tips for Supporting Teens', the concept of “Anchors” was discussed as a role to be fulfilled by caring and connected adults who can make profound impacts on the lives of the youth. It’s important for teens to feel that they have positive role models whom they can both emulate and trust when things get tough. Parents can meet with teachers, important figures, and other trusted adults to open lines of communication with their teens. It’s even more crucial to have this web of support as a fall back when their child refuses to open up about what’s going on in their lives. Having a web of support ensures that all bases will be covered for when teens need to talk about different aspects of their lives.

Celebrate little victories

High marks, medals, and awards are fundamentally linked to teens’ self-esteem and if they feel that they are lacking these, then they may develop a sense of helplessness and give up on trying altogether. Moreover, this heightens the chances of them comparing themselves to their peers who have these accolades. When teens focus on what they lack or what they are unable to achieve, they will continue to feel inadequate. To encourage and reinforce a better mindset, educators should focus on praising their efforts instead of just the outcomes. Since the outcome can’t always be controlled, it’s good to make them feel like the work they put into whatever they do is already a form of self-empowerment. This will also teach them to be kinder to themselves. Schools should also try not to make a big deal about rankings and numerical scores, but give credit where it's due for more encouragement and motivation.

Set reasonable expectations

A study by Arizona State University found that those who felt persistent pressure from their parents were twice as likely to suffer from anxiety and depression compared to those who didn’t. Parental pressure is good only to the extent that it keeps your children on the right track. This is why teachers should also work on instilling a foundation of self-worth, as it will help them cope with the pressure to succeed in academics and extracurricular activities. If this is secure, then external pressures will not be able to shake the sense of belief that teens have in themselves. For parents to set reasonable expectations, they need to redefine what success means to them, especially if their current definition has nothing to do with empowerment and happiness on their child’s part. Educators must also make it a habit to offer their ears and time if they notice a slip in a student's grades or any changed behavior. All teens may need is another person to talk to if they feel they can't get through to their parents. 

Encourage healthy and positive hobbies and passions

Schools may offer a breeding ground of potential for extracurricular activities. Boosting a teen’s confidence may mean encouraging them to go beyond their comfort zones to try some of them. These could turn into hobbies that also work as positive coping mechanisms and outlets for whatever negative emotions they are currently feeling. When they are able to make the slightest effort to try something new with a little bit of encouragement, then they may have the motivation to pursue it and unleash their potential. Alternatively, if they are already passionate about something, show them that they have your blessing and full confidence in them.

Find a middle ground between setting rules and allowing freedom

While many parents think that constantly looming over their children is the best way of ensuring their success, helicopter parenting actually works against them. A study by Florida State University found that these children were more likely to experience burnout and a rougher transition from school to the real world. When teens feel like they are being micromanaged, this further exacerbates feelings of incompetence and distrust of oneself. Letting them have too much freedom, on the other hand, will teach them that rules don’t apply. Find the middle ground between the two so that they learn to make their own mistakes, while still knowing that they have your support.

Most will agree that their teenage years were a complicated time filled with angst, transition, and confusion. This is why it is very important to help improve your teen’s self-esteem, as they are likely going through the same thing as you did whether you're a parent or an educator. There’s always hope and a silver lining if you commit to seeing it through, and helping them to be a confident young adult. Positive reinforcement is key to helping them on their journey to improving their self-esteem over time.

 Article contributed by Angela Matthews
Exclusively for brightwayslearning.org